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How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex

Talking to your partner about sex can be surprisingly difficult and create tension. Partners often feel attacked or blamed when there is an indication anything is amiss in the bedroom. Create a safe, loving, and honest environment to discuss sex and lead off on a complimentary or positive note.

Your partner will be more open to developing a healthy or more exciting sex life if he feels encouraged and loved.


Things You’ll Need

  • Quiet setting
  • Bedroom


5 Steps to Talk to Your Partner About Sex

Talk to Your Partner About Sex

1. Get clear about what you want to discuss concerning sex before speaking to your partner.

You might want to talk about your discomfort during sex, trying new positions, creating greater intimacy, or your dissatisfaction. It’s important to know exactly how you feel first to help your partner understand your point of view.


2. Compliment your partner.

Talk about the things you love during sex or intimacy like embracing, kissing, and where you enjoy being touched. Ask your partner what she likes during sex. After you have sufficiently covered the positive aspects of your sexual relationship, ask if you can show where you like to be touched and new things you would like to try.

The idea is not to lead off with anything that could be interpreted as negative that might make your partner defensive. When you start with a compliment, you lay the groundwork for an open dialogue.


3. Talk about your own feelings without attacking or blaming your partner for any problems with sex.

Let your partner know if you are hurt or confused by a lack of intimacy. Ask how you can openly discuss it without creating tension and how to move forward. Look for solutions to the problem, not arguing who is to blame.


4. Pick an appropriate time to discuss sex and keep it positive.

Avoid intimate or challenging conversations when your partner is tired after a long day or angry about another situation. Try going on a date and create some romance with a quiet dinner, long walk, and hand holding.

Let your partner know how close you feel to her and you would love to set aside some time to talk about your sex life. Your partner may want time to digest the idea or take a few days to think before taking the next step.


5. Show your partner what you want.

Your partner may not understand what you are trying to tell him about issues regarding sex, but will respond to encouragement. When in the bedroom, show your partner where you want to be touched and what turns you on.

Your partner will be excited by your enthusiasm and feel he is an attentive lover when responding. Avoid asking your partner to do things you know he is uncomfortable with. Start with small touches and caresses to see how your partner responds.


Tips and Warnings

  • Make your partner feel loved and appreciated before talking about sex.
  • Consider visiting a sex or relationship counselor if talking about sex always leads to arguments.
  • Offer compliments and rave whenever your partner does something you like during sex.

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