How to Stop Being Too Nice
Whether you are afraid of hurting someone or simply do not have the courage to stand up for yourself, sometimes being too nice can be destructive. People who are too nice often get taken advantage of by friends, family and even strangers.
While it can be difficult to stop letting people walk all over you, it isn’t impossible when you make the decision to change your attitude and take some steps toward becoming a stronger person.
Get to the Root of the Problem
Before you can make any changes within yourself, you need to think about why you give in easily and why you are too nice to people. There are a number of reasons why people end up letting others take advantage of them.
However, for many people, being too nice stems from wanting to please others. When you realize you are too nice, you need to take steps to figure out why you act the way you do. For example, if you are afraid people will not like you if you put your foot down, your behavior could be a result of not having enough confidence in yourself and who you are.
Take Small Steps
Once you’ve started figuring out your behavior, you need to start taking small steps toward changing it. Working on yourself in an effort to become the person you want to be does not happen immediately.
Give yourself weekly goals or small daily goals that you can work toward. For example, if you have a relative or friend who frequently asks you to watch her children and you always have a hard time saying “no,” make it your goal to politely tell her “no” the next time she asks — or tell her you want to be paid for your time.
Stand Your Ground
You do not have to be rude or mean when you stand your ground in a situation. There is always a balance between being too nice and being mean. As you start becoming more assertive, try finding your balance.
If someone keeps trying to convince you to do something you do not want to do, remember to remain firm on your decision and do not back down from it. Sometimes, standing your ground means changing the subject or walking away from the conversation. You don’t owe anyone the use of your time to push you into actions you aren’t interested in.
Set Aside the Guilt
You may feel guilty after telling a friend or family member “no.” However, you need to learn how to accept that people will not hate you when you stand your ground.
You should also learn to not feel guilty when you do not give someone else what he wants. Instead of letting guilt get to you, stop thinking about what the person thinks of you and your decision. Instead, go do the things you need to do or want to do and stop worrying about others. As you start being more assertive, people will be less likely to make unreasonable demands of you and the feelings of guilt will fade.
As with any habit we want to change, these techniques must be repeated many times before they become our new habit.
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