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How to Stay Married After an Affair

It is difficult to gather data on infidelity because many incidents of extra-marital affairs go unreported. However, estimates are that approximately 35 percent of all men and 20 percent of all women have been unfaithful at least once during their marriage.

This translates to the approximation that one out of every three marriages in the United States have suffered an affair.


Ways to Stay Married After an Affair

Find out why the affair happened. If a couple wants to try to stay married after an affair, it is important that both partners understand and agree upon why the affair happened. If you are unable to identify and agree on the cause of the affair, chances of a healthy marriage after the affair decrease, and chances of repeat behavior in the future increase.

Look at the cause or the reason that the affair occurred, instead of the affair itself, when deciding if you should get divorced or stay married. For example, if the affair occurred because the cheating partner no longer loves the spouse, then a divorce may be the next step.

On the other hand, if the affair occurred because the cheating partner was feeling ignored by the spouse, the cause of the problem may be able to be fixed. Remember an affair is usually a symptom of another problem.


How to Stay Married After an Affair


Realize that trust was destroyed and re-building that trust takes time, patience and love. Both partners need to understand that the spouse that was cheated on feels hurt, betrayed, angry and distrusting.

The person who had the affair needs to work towards building the spouse’s trust again and needs to be patient of his insecurities. The spouse who was cheated on may need to be controlling for awhile during the period of building trust.

Understand that fidelity cannot be forced. Everyone has the opportunity to be unfaithful to their spouse at some point in life. If not with the guy you meet at the grocery store, then technology has opened wide enough doors for it to be the woman you met in another state.

The spouse who was cheated on needs to realize it is not her job to keep her husband faithful, and all the monitoring and controlling in the world can not force someone who doesn’t want to be faithful to remain so.

See a professional marriage counselor to help you deal with the problems within your marriage. Through therapy, both partners can deal with their hurt feelings, anger and other issues in the relationship that need work.


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