How to Get Along With Controlling Relatives
Being controlled by relatives or anyone else in your life gives you a feeling that you are worthless, stupid or incompetent. Eventually your self-esteem will disintegrate if you do not set some personal boundaries.
People can easily become control freaks if they are obsessed with doing things in only one way, and that is typically their chosen way. They often do not realize how they come across to other people. There are ways to get along and eventually enjoy your relationship with these control-obsessed people.
5 Steps to Get Along With Controlling Relatives
1. Realize that being obsessed with control is not just someone demonstrating his or her ability to be a leader.
Good relationships celebrate differences in people, their ways of doing things and their opinions. Controlling relatives do not seem to care about these attributes of your personality.
2. Determine where their fear comes from in their past or present life.
Controlling people typically have a fear of their own lives being out of control, thus they exert control over everything and every person in their path.
It could be from a parent abandoning them physically or even emotionally when they were a child, or perhaps they were fired from a job due to a misunderstanding or unfair reasons. It could be any fear, whether it be rational or irrational, that guide their controlling thoughts.
3. Confront the person with their controlling behavior and make sure the confrontation is in a safe place where you feel secure.
You need to look them in the eye and explain to them that their behavior makes you feel inept or irresponsible because nothing you do seems to please them if you don’t do it their way. You read their underlying meaning to be that you cannot handle your own life.
They might have no idea you or others feel this way. Do not back down if they point out how you can improve or change to make the situation better. Establish your personal boundaries for your own sanity and self-confidence.
4. Compliment the person on their good attributes when you confront them.
Tell them you are not attacking them as a person, that they are valuable to you and that a good relationship with them is your top priority.
You are just being honest and letting them know their behavior is chipping away at your happiness, and that change can be a good thing and might help in their work and other relationships.
5. Push aside your assumption that ignoring the controlling person will make everything better.
Often the behavior will only escalate and ignoring them will exacerbate the problem. You deserve to be treated with respect and you should demand that the person hear you, or tell them you will not be able to continue a relationship.
Agree with each other that you are two different people with different views of what is correct behavior, but that does not mean you can’t share a common bond of family ties.
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