How to Deal With An Unfaithful Partner
Finding out that your partner was unfaithful is a devastating situation. Whether he (or she) was up front and honest about the infidelity or hid it from you, it still brings about many emotions including anger, jealousy, hurt, sadness, and bitterness.
When you find out that your partner is unfaithful, many thoughts run through your head including: what do you do now, will you ever trust him (or her) again, can you forgive and continue the relationship, or should you leave? Handling an unfaithful partner could be one of the hardest things you do in your relationship.
Ways to Deal With An Unfaithful Partner
While there is no right answer when you discovering your partner cheating, there are ways you can work through your emotions and make a sound decision regarding your relationship and life.
Talk to your partner about your feelings regarding the infidelity
Tell him your fears, your pain, and your bitter feelings about his unfaithful behavior. Be sure you open up as much as you possibly can and let all your emotions out. It’s not healthy to keep an feelings about the infidelity in, nor should you ever hold back for your partner’s sake.
What happened was a traumatic event for you and you deserve him to listen to you wholeheartedly about his unfaithfulness and what it has done to you. He needs to endure your anger, sadness, and fears about the infidelity in order for you to begin healing. An unfaithful partner should have to deal with the consequences of his (or her) actions including taking the brunt of your emotions. Any good partner would do this if he (or she) is sorry for his behavior.
Explain to your partner that your going to need time to think about his infidelity
Do not make a decision regarding the future of your relationship right away. You’re in no condition to jump into any situation without first thinking it through. Having a partner be unfaithful is devastating and can turn your whole world upside down.
Making a hasty decision to leave, or stay can alter the rest of your future. You should be sure that you can deal with the aftermath of your decision. For example, if you stay in the relationship, could you trust your partner again? If you leave the relationship, will you regret not trying to work things out? These are just a few questions you’ll have in deciding whether to forgive your partner’s cheating or not. Just be sure to take the time you need to be sure of your future.
Try not to plan revenge on your unfaithful partner
This will only hurt you in the end. Cheating on a partner who was unfaithful to you does not make what he did right, it only makes two wrongs. You may be angry now and think of cheating as the perfect solution to hurt your partner in return, but it’s never a good idea to do something hurtful to someone who hurt you.
You are more than likely very vulnerable after your partner has been unfaithful and not thinking straight. This could lead to poor decision making instead of taking time to heal properly. While sleeping with another person would probably hurt your unfaithful partner, it will also cause more trouble in the end, especially if you are even considering forgiving your partner and making the relationship work.
Instead, think of how your partner’s infidelity made you feel and how if you are going to make the relationship work, you’ll only stoop to his level if you sleep with another person. Be the better person and you’ll be proud of yourself whether the relationship works or not.
Do not get children involved in the unfaithful situation
Children do not need to know about you and your partner’s problems, especially when one partner will look worse to the children than another. Never play your children against your unfaithful partner, even if you are hurt and angry. You will only hurt the children this way and create more pain than necessary.
Children should never know about you and your partner’s intimate life together. Not only are most too young to understand, but you’d be trying to force grown up issues onto your children when they just do not need to deal with those things. If you decide later that you cannot stay with your partner, you can explain to your children that the relationship just isn’t working and you need to separate from your partner.
Do not give your children any personal reasons. Just tell them that you and your partner cannot live together and leave it at that. If you need someone to vent to about your anger and emotions, talk to a friend. Never talk to your children about your adult issues.
Seek counseling as a couple
If you feel that you may be able to forgive your partner’s cheating, see a counselor together. Sometimes speaking to someone as a couple who can wean through marital or relationship issues can help you to see both sides of the problem.
Your partner will also understand what you are going through as well from the infidelity which will help you. Even if you don’t want your partner anymore or are unsure about your decision, a counselor can help you with these decisions. In this case, you may choose to seek counseling on your own until you can come to a decision about the unfaithfulness of your partner.
Either way, counseling services will help to clear your mind and give you a fresh perspective on the infidelity. This way, you don’t feel so alone and know that you have someone who has heard your story before and can help ease a little bit of the pain.
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