Advice for the Newly Divorced
Divorce is a major cause of significant stress in the life of the parties involved. It is quite normal to come out of a divorce with mixed feelings and to feel confused about where to begin in healing and rebuilding your life.
If you take proper actions for your own well-being, you will find that it is possible to move forward and even to thrive.
Allow Time to Grieve
When a divorce is over, a chapter of your life is closing. Even if there were many painful aspects of that chapter of your life, you likely had many dreams about how things would be. You had hopes for happiness and for a certain kind of life.
With divorce comes not only loss of the other person, but also loss of your dreams. Even if you are happy to be free from an unhealthy marriage, be sure to allow yourself time to grieve over your shattered hopes and dreams.
Following a divorce, chances are good that you will find yourself newly single again, and feeling a bit tattered from the storm. Check for resources in your local community to see if there are divorcee support groups or single parent support groups (if applicable).
Finding support from others who are going through similar things will help you to move forward in your life. You might also consider getting some therapy to help you work through any lingering issues from your marriage. This way, you can be sure that you aren’t carrying that baggage around with you for the rest of your life. If you have children, be careful not to badmouth the other parent, and make sure they have the support they need in terms of friends, therapy, and support groups.
Take Your Time
Take time for yourself now that your divorce is finalized. Resist any urges to immediately jump back into the dating world. Instead, take the time to figure out who you are as a single person, without anyone else hanging over your shoulder.
If you have things you want to do with your life, do them. If you have places you want to see, visit them. Take time to get massages, do yoga, get a nice haircut, and buy some clothes that make you feel good. Taking time for yourself will help you to heal and enjoy life again, to feel complete on your own.
Plan Before Dating
Date only after you have taken a significant time for yourself and are sure that you have worked through any baggage from your prior relationship. Write down what is important to you in a mate and what your deal-breakers are.
Start out slowly when meeting new people. Get to know them and do not be afraid to move on if something does not click. After a divorce and some time on your own, you will likely find that while you would love to share a happy life with someone else, you will not sacrifice your own well-being just to have someone by your side.
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